


The Splintered Sound

by patchworkgirl



Series: The Beast of Greylock Fen [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: But otherwise SFW, Cheesy, M/M, fantasy Cape Cod I guess?, mild blowjob joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 20:52:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11997750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patchworkgirl/pseuds/patchworkgirl
Summary: A followup to "The Banished Hound." Taako and Kravitz sneak in a datecation and talk about some of the reaper's deeper history. Could stand alone but makes a lot more sense if you've read the first one.





	The Splintered Sound

The sea breeze was sharp and refreshing and kept the glaring sun from being an issue. Every storefront on the street shone in kitschy glory, seashells and starfish glued to every available surface, wholesome woodcarvings stacked in windows that let out cutesy-ass sea shanties to dance in the air. Taako stood almost gaping for several long moments, then looked up at Kravitz. “Babe, this is the tackiest fucking shit I've ever seen.”

 

Kravitz snorted. “You're the tackiest person alive in any plane of existence.” He said it with love, but he meant it.

 

“I'm not talking about me. I'm fucking delighted.” And Ren'll be shocked to find that he actually went and did his job like a responsible adult and got the chamber of commerce of one of the most popular resort towns in northern Faerun to agree to an exclusive distribution deal. Even if he weren't messing with his business partner, though, he'd have a great time here. His eye's already on a pair of sunglasses shaped like lobster claws. “I'm gonna get all my Candlenights shopping done like right now. This ain't about me. Why did _you_ want to come?”

 

“Why wouldn't I come? The business trip turned into a weekend away is a classic maneuver.” Kravitz looked entirely too affronted. And also cagey.

 

Taako's voice dropped slightly and took on a completely random accent. “You're going to Splintered Sound? When? Let me clear my calendar. Lup's not coming, is she? She could probably cover for me if anything comes up.”

 

“I don't sound like that.”

 

“Yes you do.” Taako jabbed his thumb at a store that appeared to sell nothing but distressed wood signs with mildly risque puns on them. “You have opinions about cigars. You annoy the sommelier every time we go out. You know how to play backgammon.”

 

“Alright, that isn't actually difficult. You just hate paying attention.”

 

“I just find I have better things to do than move little circles around when I've got my boyfriend and his leather couch to myself for an evening. Point stands. This...” He waved a hand toward a family of halflings in fish-shaped hats noisily consulting a map of _Splintered Sound's Must Sees_. “Not so you.”

 

“It's... alright, there's a nostalgia thing going on.” He shrugged one shouldered and set off down the street, pulling Taako along with his habitual long strides. Taako was a strider, too, but one with shorter legs and higher heels. Keeping pace with Kravitz was always a bit of a trick.

 

“Does your boss do those yearly retreats here?” That was one thing that had come up for them when Ren pitched this plan. There were a metric fuckton of nice hotels to pick from. Mostly he just liked the idea of a bunch of reapers attempting trust falls and talking about their feelings.

 

“No, she hauls us to the Celestial Plane for those. Further back than that.”

 

“Little Kravitz frolicked in...” Taako looked around for inspiration. “Gramma Stonespar's Fun Park and Family Eatery?”

 

“Too far back. And keep in mind how old I am, love.” Kravitz paused to let a couple wagons packed with school age kids go by. “The tourist trap approach has only been around a couple hundred years. Before that it was just a fishing village.” Kravitz stopped rather suddenly. They'd entered a big square full of buskers and little stalls selling snacks and a fountain with an old statue in the middle.

 

Taako would have gravitated toward the kettle corn more than anything else left to himself, but Kravitz was being weird enough to watch closely. When his eyes went to the statue, so did Taako's. He didn't say anything, the squirrely bastard. Dates should not have puzzles added on. Taako drifted toward the statue, but at the last minute, came up short and pointed to a booth selling customized tin keychains. “Oh, man, they never have my name on those things. I better get one for Lup, too.” He let Kravitz inhale deeply but cut off the sigh before it could come to fruition. “Neat statue.”

 

“I kind of like it.”

 

“Fine.” Taako turned and finally gave it a proper look. It gave the impression of great age but was made of fine, dark lava rock that had resisted the wind and rain pretty well, its details only slightly softened by time. Taako wasn't an art guy if it didn't involve food (Ren despaired of even getting him to pick fabric swatches and finishes). It seemed like an okay statue? Orc dude in an antiquated sort of high-collared robe, one of those things people who didn't know anything about magic imagined wizards and sorcerers would wear. There wasn't a plaque or anything so helpful.

 

It was the ears that finally tipped him off. Otherwise, wasn't much of a resemblance, but someone had gotten the ears right. “Okay, that looks like you might have had an elf great-grandparent, maybe...”

 

“It was kind of a political thing at the time. Most of the histories left out the half-elf thing entirely.” Kravitz could grin just as much like a satisfied cat as Taako could.

 

“They got the hair right.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Of course, that means you haven't changed your hair in like three thousand years.”

 

“Growing dreads in takes a while, alright?”

 

“But. That's like three times the amount of tusk you have, is all.”

 

“Alright, you know what, how often do you change your hair?”

 

“My hair weighs as much as I do. I'll change it when I can keep levitate on all day.” Taako elbowed him. “I kinda like the tusk thing, honestly.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, well, I mean, I dig the tiny ones, so...”

 

“Alright, stop right there. There are children here.”

 

“Aw, what, you don't want to hear about how much they... tickle?”

 

“Taako!”

 

“It's just that we never really get to talk about it in the moment, since your mouth is full.”

 

“Not that full.”

 

Taako stopped dead, stared open-mouthed for a long moment, and broke into delighted peels of laughter that half choked him. Relentless as he could be, he never minded when Kravitz finally got one over on him. “Okay, okay, fine, that was awesome. Now, are you gonna tell me why you have a statue in the middle of the dweebiest place on earth?”

 

Kravitz sighed and kissed his temple. “Let's get you a cranberrytini in a glass shaped like a lighthouse and me a decent porter and we can walk and talk?”

 

Taako stood on tiptoe to turn the kiss into a proper one. This man would be the death of him. “Can we commission another statue just for that?”

 

“Yes, we'll title it, Actually Taking Your Date On A Long Walk On The Beach.”

 

“Oh, hey, you really are having a good day.”

 

“And it's accompanying piece, If You Ever Try To Talk About Our Sex Life In Front Of The Churros Lady Again I'm Leaving You.” Taako grumbled out a not-quite intelligible concession. “Alright, I know you got the bulk of your magical education in another reality cluster entirely, but have you ever heard of The Beast of Greylock Fen?”

 


End file.
